Spam Series #2: "Wild Fall" Caramel Apples
feat. a "wild" little ingredient banned in CA this week
“America’s favorite caramel apple” is unfortunately… rotten. If by “wild” they mean wildly likely to cause death and other complications, then sure. I can hear the prescription drug infomercial laundry list of side effects already.
In a hilarious series of TikToks making fun of foods that would kill Gwyneth Paltrow, this certainly tops the list.
On the Gwyneth “kill scale” explained by Rob Anderson, wild fall caramel apples would certainly send her to the “black zone”. Thankfully, us ordinary folk won’t face instant death, but the prognosis isn’t good.
In the spirit of Halloween, let’s draw on one of our favorite cultural references, Snow White & the Seven Dwarves. The Evil Queen attempts to kill Snow White by feeding her a poisonous apple. Except in this analysis, the Evil Queen is the FDA, and Snow White is innocent American civilians? But in real life, there is no magic lover’s kiss to revive us from the damage done.
Pitiful analogies aside, let’s look at what makes this seasonal product SPAM.
I found this suspicious specimen at my local Gourmet Garage in NYC (a purveyor I usually refer to as Gourmet Garbage). There was one regular Tastee caramel apple, but the “wild fall” varietal immediately caught my attention as a potentially more deeply deranged option. Any bright colors not found in nature (akin to the suspiciously bright red poisonous apple) are usually a red flag. Let’s check out the ingredients:
Ingredients: APPLE, CARAMEL (Corn Syrup, Cane Sugar, Sweetened Condensed Milk [milk, sucrose], Hydrogenated Soybean Oil, Evaporated Milk [milk, disodium phosphate, carrageenan], Soy Flour, Soy Lecithin, Mono & Diglycerides, Vanillin), SPRINKLES (Corn Starch, Palm Kernel and/or Palm Oil, Cocoa Powder, Soy Lecithin, Dextrin, Carnauba Wax, Confectioner’s Glaze, FD&C Yellow #6 Lake, FD&C Yellow #5 Lake, Yellow #6, FD&C Yellow #5, FD&C Blue #1, FD&C Red #40), Cultures.
The biggest offenders (in no particular order) are:
Hydrogenated Soybean Oil
FD&C Yellow #6 Lake
FD&C Yellow #5 Lake
Yellow #6
FD&C Yellow #5
FD&C Blue #1
FD&C Red #40
The fact that apples are also on the 2023 Dirty Dozen list for high-priority foods to buy organic (ones with the highest pesticide residue after washing) is far down the list of complaints. Moving on.
HYDROGENATED SOYBEAN OIL:
Otherwise known as Trans Fat, it is used to increase the shelf life of processed foods by making oil solid at room temperature, but was officially deemed unsafe by the FDA in 2015. As stated by the FDA, removing these Trans Fats “from processed foods could prevent thousands of heart attacks and deaths each year.” It was supposed to be phased out by 2018, but clearly it’s still in the food supply.
Partially or fully hydrogenated oil is traditionally found in margarine, frosting, baked goods, coffee creamers, and packaged snacks. It makes peanut butter and butter spreadable (hi, I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter!), cheaper to make, and long-lasting. I have a childhood memory of grocery shopping with my Mom, and the rule was I couldn’t buy snacks with “partially hydrogenated” or “fully hydrogenated” oil as an ingredient. I vividly recall the devastating truth that this eliminated all the snacks I had my heart set on—Doritos, Sour Cream & Onion Ruffles, Orville Redenbacher microwave popcorn, and the like.
This seemingly-niche rule was likely born in response the increased presence of these hydrogenated vegetable oils in the food supply. Before trans fats were linked to artery hardening and heart attacks, it was widely (and mistakenly) believed that traditional saturated fats like butter, tallow, and lard were to blame—hence, the introduction of these “plant-based” alternatives. Now, we know that saturated fats do not cause heart disease.
FOOD DYES:
Let’s talk FD&C Yellow #6 Lake, FD&C Yellow #5 Lake, Yellow #6, FD&C Yellow #5, FD&C Blue #1, and FD&C Red #40. Yum.
Synthetic food dyes have no nutritional value and only enhance the appearance of processed foods. Toxicology studies on these ingredients are still in the early days, but the findings are cause for concern. It has been determined that safety concerns are extensive, indisputable, and require more research and funding. The FDA allows them in small amounts, but it is very likely that our exposure exceeds healthy levels due to their widespread use in the food and cosmetic industry. “Lakes” are derived from coal tar and petrolatum which is then treated with precipitants like aluminum (a toxic heavy metal) and salts.
Synthetic dyes have been linked to hyperactivity in children (study, study, study), carcinogenic concerns, cancer and genotoxicity in animals, serious allergic reactions, asthma, and much more. Dangerous food dyes among other toxins have been banned in Europe, Australia, Canada, and many other countries, but remain in the United States. This is troubling given the controversial safety of these chemicals and the fact that they offer no purpose beyond an aesthetic one.
A report published in 2021 by the California Environmental Protection Agency’s (EPA) Office of Environmental Health Hazard Assessment determined that even the FDA’s measly safety guidelines for food dyes is not enough to protect children from the damaging effects of these chemicals on behavioral health. Translation: there is no amount of synthetic food dye that is safe to consume.
Other common foods with synthetic dyes:
M&Ms
Skittles
Soda
Gatorade
Chewing gum
Breakfast cereal
Jif and Skippy Peanut Butter
Some types of smoked salmon
Aunt Jemima and Mrs. Butterworth syrups
Baked goods, cakes, and desserts
FAST FORWARD TO THIS MONTH…
Gavin Newsom of California enacts a ban on synthetic food dye Red #3.
Finally! Red #3 causes cancer in rats, and it was actually banned from cosmetics by the FDA in 1990, yet remained in the food supply because of a bureaucratic glitch (oh). It is found in frozen desserts, canned fruit, frostings, maraschino cherries, strawberry milk, Dubble Bubble gum, Peeps, Candy Corn, Hostess Ding Dongs, Entenmann’s Little Bites, Jelly Belly candy, Trolli Sour Crunch Crawlers, select PopTarts products, Dippin Dots Cotton Candy, PediaSure Strawberry Drink, sausage casings, and many more.
FYI—The ban won’t take effect until 2027 to give food companies time to reformulate their products without these dyes. Avoid foods with this ingredient until then.
Bottom line: if it doesn’t look like it was found in nature, run.
This is a promising first step in joining the rest of the world to protect ourselves from bullshit chemicals in food. In the meantime, should I just move back to California…?